Sunday, November 30, 2008

Secrets revealed

( this post was originally drafted back in November I am posting it now to annouces the enws :) I am currently 10 weeks pregnant, we kept it a secret from our parents up until Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. The next few post were formed within the weeks since we have found out. I stopped posting at the 7th weeks because I became sotired I just had no desire to do anything, but from weeks 8-10 I have started to feel better, Below are the two videos from when we told our mothers, the first one is my mother the second one is Bills mother.)

Pregnancy Week 6

Sooooo…remember that Arby’s Beef and Cheddar I wanted last night?

Oh yeah….it’s like that……for the past few weeks I have had that……”I am nauseous…….not wait no I’m not…no wait… I am…yup I am.”…..OOOHHHHHHH Chips!!!!!!” …5 minutes later…..ugh…..chips……..”

Finally last night after coming home and murdering an Arby’s Beef and cheddar combo, I realized, yeah I better take a test. So…I took three……..
Hey gotta make damn sure right?

I kind of just stared at it, with my jaw open, we weren’t planning on it RIGHT NOW, more like next August, but I think this a serious blessing, and this is happening for a reason.

I finally got up enough of my motor skills to go down stairs and show the hubby, I showed him and he cried, then I cried and then I laughed, and cried again, then I hyperventilated, and cried again…….then I ate some more French fries.

I know it sounds funny but I actually feel swollen, like my belly is swollen. To quote Heather on “DOOCE” “I can smell your pores” and am sick to my stomach on and off. But am trying to handle it the best I can, due to an ongoing weak stomach, I have felt queasy most of my life, so hopefully that will give me the energy to push through this.

Trying to sleep last night was damn near impossible, first I was freezing then I was lying in a pool of my own sweat, then I had to pee. Then when I finally did fall asleep I had to get up for work lol……welcome to mother hood right?

I haven’t told my parents as of yet, or Bills family, we are keeping it quiet until Christmas Eve. At least we are going to try to keep it that way, which means I have to keep my mouth shut when talking to my mother and seeing her face to face for the next three and a half weeks!!! Holy crap!

See, what we want to do, is this. I am going to go to the craft store, and get two little eenie weenie plastic babies, then I am going to wrap them up in little tiny blankets and put them into a small jewelry box. I will wrap one for my mom and dad and one for Bills mom and dad. And at Christmas when everyone is over, they will open them as gifts!! I hate keeping the secret from my mom for so long, but I really want to wait until I see the doctor and see a beating heart, and know that everything is ok. I go between fits of giggles and crying. It’s crazy lol.

As far cravings are concerned, besides said Roast beef and cheddar sandwich. I have wanted pickles and Green Olives, what I haven’t been able to stomach? Anything with leaves on it, can’t do salad at all L and the though of turkey………….ewwwww………….

So that is were I am at right now, I want to record everything as this is my first pregnancy, and I was going to start separate blog, but I thought, why bother? My blog name means Joy of Life. And this ….well…..this is just the greatest joy that I could hope for.:)

7 Weeks Still nauseous

So now I am wondering if it's possible to be queasy and craving something at the same time? my nausea has been nearly constant, and while no food sounds good to me, when I do get food in front of me and start eating, I feel fine, then back to sick to my stomach directly after.

I called my old friend Michelle last night, and she really made me feel better, she said the feelings that i am having (anxiety,"oh shit what am I going to do") are completely normal. she also told me not to get too attached because I could still miscarry, which has ran in my moms side of the family,so I know the threat of that could be somewhat real, still i try not to worry about it much.

Whats frustrating to me, is how much I feel like complete shit, any woman who says she loves being pregnant needs to be sucker punched because she has to be lying, this is not "awesome" I feel like crap, I don't want to visit friends or go anywhere, not to mention the fact that my parents don't know yet and I have to talk to my mom every day and manage not to tell her about this secret festering inside of me, I mean that takes alot of work to keep that shit in . It's no wonder I nap every day. Even as I sit here I feel like vomiting, but you know what?.......throwing up is too much work!

People keep asking if i am happy and I say "yeah i am, in those brief moments of clarity when I am not freaking out over labor or trying to keep my food down."

So in order to ease my mind, I have been making contact with my gals who have had babies, trying to get the lowdown from them, and although everyone is different, talking to them really helps me to be less scared.

I am going to go cry into a bag of cheetos now, ........then throw them back up.

Week 7 Cont.

I’m starting to feel better, although not physically, but mentally at least, I read every day, she is only 2 months ahead of me, so I feel I can relate. Today I was so relived to read that she hates being pregnant, “she hates it?.....SERIOUSLY?? People like me exist?” I thought that your supposed to love being pregnant and how much of a woman you feel like and oh what a blessing. Blessing maybe, but for gods sake, what this is doing to my body is hell.

I woke up this morning, swearing to god that I smelled………..Infection…….I know that’s weird but I smell it, and it’s in my nose, I cannot get the smell out, I have tried perfume, everything. NOTHING works.

I also have a terrible intolerance to cold. And living here in Cleveland near a large frozen body of water doesn’t really help that issue.

I walked into work today and my manger asked me how I was feeling (seeing the green look on my face, the saltines and ginger tes in hand) I said “like shit actually” she just laughed and so did a few other women near by, that ticked me off, I was like “whats so funny? WHY is my suffering funny???” that just irks the hell out of me. Lol.

The only thing that seems to be lifting a bit, and this may be due to the Prenatal vitamins I am taking, is my exhaustion, I was able to do far more yesterday that I have been able to do previously, and while I still feel a bit tired, I may actually make it out to visit my Friend Julia’s new house tonight, before coming home and going straight to bed.

Every day that goes by where I do not tell my mom, I pat my self on the back, so far keeping the secret has been rather easy. Hopefully that continues.

I do have one good thing to say about all of this…..last night in a brief reprieve from Nausea, I gorged on Veggie chips and fat free French onion dip, and it was………….the most spectacular thing in the world. Food really does taste tastier when you are pregnant. And I know it may be strange, but music sounds better……any kind of music, I crave music like some women crave pickles lately, and when I hear it, it’s almost orgasmic!

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