Thursday, August 26, 2010

Busy bee

Hi Kids! Just a brief update, things have been getting better in my life recently and I have been so flipping busy!

MOM My mother has been in a nursing home for about a week now, getting her strength up for surgery, she seems to do better and better each day, and I only pray that it stays that way. Sunday, Hudson and I went to visit her, she had a ball playing with him, and he had a GREAT time, running around the halls and walking into people’s rooms’ lol. Luckily the residents didn’t mind at all, and were glad to see a happy little face. We brought her homemade chicken soup and blueberry muffins. It really seemed to get her spirits up. We plan on going back again this Sunday, and let’s just say I will need to make sure I have my running shoes on lol!

Hudson tearing up the Nursing home, with his great grandmother. Sorry if its side ways I cant figure out how to fix it!

JEWELRY I have accomplished SO much with my jewelry making, I got 2 a pairs of rose earrings made, one is a gift the other ones are for me ,A silver necklace with cobalt blue pearls, a necklace special order for a friend. AND started on a necklace for myself. Yes I will post photos soon.

GOODY GOODY GOODY! My Brand new MAC PRO is on its way! I cannot wait, and will be tracking that sucker every second until it lands on my doorstep! It has a dual processor, tons of memory AND I got Adobe InDesign to go with it, SWOON!!!! I know I know I’m such a freaking nerd :P On another note, I got a freelance client the other day, (thank you Lisa!) who wants me to develop a brand identity for her husbands’ new security company. I am REALLY excited for this opportunity, because it will allow me to develop some nice portfolio pieces and get my feet wet again. I’m nervous, but I have a new found confidence that has come from somewhere, I don’t know, maybe it’s just age!

STINKY LIL MAN Hudson has been great; however he recently started regressing in his sleep habits. For four months he did SO well, I could put him down in his crib awake but drowsy and he would just play with no problem or babble to his stuffies until he fell asleep. Now it’s like suddenly there is some strange force field over the crib that makes him scream like killer clowns are in his room, when I so much as put him OVER the crib. So much so in fact, that I have resorted to rocking him to sleep, and then slipping him in his crib, which I really would have NO issue with, if he didn’t wake up at 12:30 am and start screaming again, then I rock him back to sleep again, try to slip him back into his crib, tip toe out of the room and just as soon as I think I am successful, WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHAHHAAHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! In a tone that China could hear during a snowstorm.UGH. So Hello sleepless nights, I hoped we wouldn’t meet again, but since we are both here….. He also has become accustomed to throwing his food off of his tray, and when I say throw I mean
OVERHANDED BASEBALL PITCHING THROW. Then looks at me matter of factly like “oh yes woman, I just threw my food, what are you going to do about it?” But on a good non complaining note, he is running around, picking things up for me, doing cute stuff like bringing books to me to read to him, getting along with the puppy (or should I say the puppy is getting along with HIM, an din return Hudson is not pulling his tail, poking him in the eye or any other undesirable orifice for that matter), and giving kisses, every so often. He is my little love butt for sure. So that’s all for now! I have a post I am working on for posting hopefully tomorrow. See you then! XOXOXOO

Friday, August 20, 2010

Killing the Clutterbug

I am a mess....not just me personally (see other blog posts) but my house! My car! My Work desk! My purse (all 16 of them) It's a long standing problem that I have tried over and over to remedy, but never to any avail, at least not for long. Now that i am a mother, it seems things are even more cluttered AND i have less time to unclutter them, as a matter of fact, the clutter seems to build faster now. My living room is littered with baby toys and various little trucks. The dining are is littered with my husbands work boots and my shoes and little man shoes. Kitchen has several "drop site" where junk mail and bills are often left to pile up for daaaayyzz. Bedrooms are scattered with underwear, clothes, orphan socks and lonely single shoes. And dont even get me started on the two bathrooms can you say hair stuff???

As I was in the shower last night I was looking around and realize I have too much STUFF!! Most of it I use,but some stuff is either a double, because I bought another thing I didn't need to replace the on I already had but couldn't find! OR something I swore I would use daily and that I NEEDED (Velcro rollers anyone?)

I happen to do the same thing with vitamins, I have every vitamin you could imagine crammed in my tiny Kitchen cabinets, and I cant throw out ANY of them because then HOW WOULD I BECOME A SUPER HEALTHY NON VITAMIN DEFICIENT HUMAN BEING??....Well turns out you have to TAKE them damn things for them to do any good...huh..go figure.

Same with my craft room, its has tons of stuff I don't use often, but I think the trick there is to just get it all into a nice organized area where I don't have to deal with it every day, because I do use all my craft stuff, just more seasonally (scrapbooking and sewing and knitting and cross stitch in the winter) (Clay, jewelry and drawing in the summer) ( I WISH this was my craft room.)

I have to get it all under control, because in those rare instances when I do get a whole day to my self and do go to town organizing, and the house IS organized for like 3 days, I find stuff easier and am able to get more done, because get this I KNOW WHERE EVERYTHING IS! But the organization never lasts long, because old habits die really hard, AND I have a REALLY small house with like no closet space. Which means we have to put our brooms and mops down in the basement.

I am really just tired of my house looking like a hurricane went through it, I know that I am not going to fix ALL clutter, because obviously Hudson is going to have toys, and that's only going to get worse, the best that I can do there is keep up on what he no longer plays with and put it in the attic.

Alot of my problem, is that I am too tired, by the end of the day after I have taken care of baby and cooked and worked 8 hours, I really don't feel like putting things away, so I am going to have to just make it easier to put stuff away.
Last week i managed to lose my glasses, my work pass AND my phone charger. Hudson had the charger, but I have torn up hell looking for my work pass and glasses, and they are no where to be found. Starsky is probably at home with everything right now using my glasses as a chew toy. And the work pass? Hell if I know!

But we really need to go through the babies the husbands clothes and mine and donate donate donate.

In light of all of this, here are some websites that I am currently diving into for any of you that may be interested. I hope that this weekend I can get SOME stuff decluttered.

and if anyone has any tips they would like to share PLEASE DO!!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


Mom has been doing better this week,we still have along road ahead, but at least she is currently stable, here are some photos I have been meaning to get up from the yearly Kar Kulture Show and Hudsons first birthday. Enjoy!

Hudson and my dad playing at my parents house, bad pic, but they were so cute~!

All Hudsons little friends~!

Hudson and his girrrlfriend playing before the party

Me and the Hubbys car

Lil man driving daddys car ( losing his britches)

Whatch out world!

My love

Me and the lil man!

Super cute coin purse I bought from a vendor at the show, lots of cute stuff! Go to!
They even have bacon flavored Jelly beans (ick) They were nice enough to give Hudson a sticker AND a cupcake shaped banaid, they rock!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Shiver and shake......

I'm afraid I don't have any good news on my mother, she had to go back into the hospital today, she is still yellow, and her liver and kidneys are being severely taxed. She is weak and barley eating. They also want to run all of her tests over again, because they can't get any definitive answers. She is much better off in the hospital, because she cannot take care of her self. And my father has to work. After they confirm everything, they will either move her to A nursing home, or hospice, until the next step, they want to get her strong enough for surgery, but they aren't sure they will be able to do that,if they cant, they want to go in anyway, and try to remove the tumor, which could result in us losing her,but it will be a risk we may have to take, it's too soon to tell,she is on so much pain medicine, that she is barley coherent,I am just at an utter loss, we are bracing for the worst and hoping for the best. I appreciate all of your kind words, and thanks to those friend who's shoulders I have physically cried on. Your support means the world to me. In the mean time my heart is shattering,and I am trying to find refuge in my beautiful baby boy and my wonderful husband. I will keep you updated. Love Heather

Sunday, August 1, 2010

..There is a light that never goes out....

The above is one of my most favorite Smiths songs, and I have been listening to alot of Smiths lately, and as much as I love them, that usually is a sign heavy shit is going on in my life.

The past month has been brutal both emotionally and physically, both mu mother and my grandmother, began to go down hill.
First Grandma has a mild stroke, the second one in her 90 some years. but is was bad enough to put her in rehab for a few days, and move her into my aunt Kathy's house permanently, which suffice to say, isn't going very well, because let's face it, how would you react if you were told you suddenly couldn't drive or live alone by yourself? I'm sure it's hard on her in more ways than one, as the days pass, she sleeps and sleeps more and more, and is forgetting more and more, we are all prepared to the inevitable, the question would just be how long and when? it's a reality I knew I would eventually have to face, we are lucky to have her as long as we did. Still that doesn't make it any easier.

Then a few weeks ago, as I was preparing for Hudson's first birthday, my mom called me the night before to tell me that she woke up "yellow" that morning, and went to the doctor, who assumed she may have hepatitis, she wouldn't be coming to Hudson's party, because she was afraid of being contagious.
Well we could have only hoped that's what it was. on Saturday (the day of Hudsons Party) my mom was taken to the hospital by my father because he wasn't comfortable leaving her alone while he attended Hudson's party. So he took her, and a few hours later, showed up at Hudson's party with my grandmother and aunt.I missed my mom not being there but I knew it was for the best. Well....right when Hudson was getting into his cake for his birthday, my dad tapped me on the shoulder saying he needed to talk to me NOW. my mom was being rushed to Case Western University Medical Center for surgery because she had a blockage in her pancreas ( which was the reason she was turning yellow) Immediately I knew what that probably meant, ad i struggled to keep myself stable, and act like nothing was wrong, as my dad rushed from the party. I ended up talking to Friends later in the evening and throwing back too much tequila. Then passed out.

The next day I went up to the Hospital with dad to see mom, she looked terrible, weak and yellow, even the whites of her eyes. She really wasn't doing well, they were going to wait for test results to come back on her CT scan, and the next day they were going to do a biopsy of this mass on her pancreas.

Fast forward a week a painful waiting. Dad called me at work, they were pretty sure that mom had cancer of the pancreas, she has a mass about 1inch big sitting right on the top, it was squishing her bile duct causing her to be jaundiced. They were more than 90 percent sure it was cancer. I immediately broke down, set my phone on not ready and ran to the break room, to hyperventilate. All I remember typing into my phone was a mass text to family saying "it's malignant, oh god, I cant breathe". I was so upset they told me to go home from work, I went up to see mom immediately. I tried to hold back tears, and make things as light hearted as possible. I remember it was the day that Lindsay Lohan went to Jail, because I tried to joke with her that some good news DID happen today "Lindsay Lohan went to jail"

After I left her room, I went into the visitors room, and looked out the long floor to ceiling windows with white shutters on them, the view was breathtaking, sunset over Downtown Cleveland, I stood there staring, I tried to absorb the shock of the fact that I could very likely lose my best friend, the greatest grandmother to my wonderful child. This was too sudden too soon. It was almost too painful to even think about. I left in tears, came home and laid down on the bed with my husband and cried so hard I thought my head would burst.

She was in the hospital for two weeks, running test after test after test, the bypassed her bile duct to an external tube to drain her bile. Thankfully all other tests came back negative for cancer. So at least it hasn't spread.
They are confident they can remove the tumor, but there is one small problem, my mom is so sick and weak they are not sure she will be able to make it through surgery, they want her to be home for a few weeks, rest up and build strenght and then they will discuss their game plan, Chemo, radiation, surgery? its all up in the air yet.

Mom got home Friday, I took Hudson over to see her today, my uncle is also in from Washington.Hudson cried when he saw her and i felt so terrible about it, but it's been at least a month and she is still a little yellow and has a breathing tube in her nose. I'm sure for a small child it was a bit frightening, all she wanted was to see him today, and she was happy he was there, but I'm almost sure that she cried when I left, because he didn't seem to remember her.

While I was at my parents today, My aunt stopped over and we all had a meeting about Grandma, who has gotten way worse the course of a month.leaving the stove on, falling asleep alot, turning the tv up full blast because she can't hear, becoming defiant and basically regressive, as we all do in our old age. Her memory has become horrible, finance's have disappeared or been burned through, it's just a mess, and where as my mother and my aunt where handling it together, now it is all falling on my aunt, and it's just really hard on her.

The fact is I could very well lose both my mom and my grandma in a close proximity of time, and I am not ready for that, I am afraid it would be a pain too entirely hard to bear. Were as we cannot do too much about grandma, we can help mom,by fighting with her, and we are trying to remain positive, but when we are all alone, we all break down. I am so mad, I want to blame someone for this, it would be so much easier this way, but there is no one to blame, illness is what it is, and it doesn't care about your plans, so you take it as it comes, with a sword by your side, and stand up to it.

On top of all of this, my job wrote me up for missing so much work due to this whole situation, am I mad? of course, shame on them, way to be such assholes in this rough time, pisses me off more than I can even say. but you know what, do what you want, fuck it, I got alot of of their shit to deal with.

I may be writing more because i think it will help me to work through this. I am up against something that is ten times bigger than I am, and honestly....I am scared to death.

The Smiths, -There is a light that never goes out.