Monday, February 2, 2009

The downs of pregnancy ( slightly graphic)

Ahhh yes the miracle of birth…..well a miracle for some, what’s more of a miracle for me is how I managed to keep my head screwed on every day and manage to eat enough food to the point were I am not starving.

Unlike some women who have a wonderful breezy pregnancy, I have been miserable for 15 weeks straight, (give and take a few good days…..I say few) Below are some things that I am not so find of:

Cravings:
These can be both good and bad, it depends on when they strike really, a craving for a whopper burger with cheese in the middle of your 9 am meeting…..BAD

A craving for Mr. Hero approximately an hour before you get off work?.....Wonderful!
Here is my recent story with that.
A few Thursdays ago I knew I was going to be alone for dinner; the hubby was going out with his buddies for drinks and dinner. So I had my mind set on my favorite Lebanese food place, I was all set to put in a phone order for a Lebanese Salad and Hummus, and then it happened………
Someone mentioned Cheese Steak…..and it all went to hell…..”Cheese steak!” I thought,”mmmm yes I NEED cheese steak!” so realizing that there was a Mr.Hero located around the corner from my house, I was suddenly on a mission, within minutes there was a picture of a Cheese Steak on my computer desktop, I stared at it for the next hour….

After work I trudged through the snow to MR. Hero.
I ordered the supreme cheese steak with mushrooms, onions, steak, and cheese, and what the hell, throw in a basket of waffle fries.

Then I sat and watched them make it, it was the most painful 5 minutes of my life……
I must have looked like a dog, drool coming out of my mouth, my pupils dilated like a junkie ready for his next fix.

They finished cooking it and as the guy was wrapping it up, I got the worst urge to jump the counter (which was conveniently low) grab my sandwich and say “DAMMIT MAN DON”T EVEN BOTHER WRAPPING IT, GIVE ME IT!!!! ……and swiftly shove it down my throat……the practically drink the fries down. I have never had such a feeling in my entire life. I finally did receive the precious cargo and took it home where my husband was already gone, I sat on the couch giving my dog the stare down as I began to unwrap it, smelling it like a fine wine…… and within 15 minutes both the sandwich and fries were gone, not a crumb left…..

GAS
Sorry, maybe it’s too much info, but hey, when your pregnant, it happens, you can finally keep up with the guys in that department, as a matter of fact you can out fart the guys, ALL of them, see, when your pregnant, you developed what’s called, “hang time” meaning when you do toot, it last a little longer than the average fart, and it is WAY more deadly, when you get to the point where even your dog gives you the “how DARE you” look….you’ll know that you have entered this phase, and it is by no means fun…..unless of course you are looking to punish your significant other for something.

360 Degree Head Turning, Exorcist Mood swings

Ever see a psychopath off of their meds? This would be what a pregnancy, mood swing looks like, if I am in the wrong mood (which lately is all the time) anything and I mean ANYTHING….will set me off….leaving the toilet seat up , buying the wrong milk, or even GASP telling me you’re a republican…… nothing says lovin like ripping someones head off then shoving it in the oven. And ain’t it wonderful that I work in customer service????

That is really all that bothers me at the moment, but at 15 weeks, I really feel like that is enough.

Sure pregnancy is easier for some than for other (bitches….sorry) but for me………well I just can’t wait until it’s all over…..

4 comments:

Ashley said...

haha, oh man. sorry you are having a had time, but this was funny :)

hang in there!

Mary Elizabeth said...

Hang in there sweet pea! I am sure it will get better. You may feel all of these feelings, but you sure look damn good doing it. =) When is your shower? I want to send you a little something.

P.S. I am agreeing with Ashley...your post was funny, especially the gas part.

Heather said...

Sweet Mary,
My shower is June 14th!

Kristal said...

Man do I ever feel your pain. One of the things I hated the most was when I got big enough that I couldn't see my feet... which meant shaving my bikini line, was impossible. Not that one should care... right? but when you go to give birth... I cared.