I have been suffering on and off from Clinical Depression since I was about 22 years old. I have been on meds and felt better, went to counseling, made small changes in my life and gotten better. Sometimes I relapse though and I need to be put back on meds, the last time I too a depression med was over 4 years ago, I have been doing pretty good since, but right before my pregnancy, I was starting to go down that path again, but at the same time I was able to pull myself out with natural remedies.
My doctor had warned me that it my rear it's ugly head again later in my pregnancy, and for the past couple months I would be fine , then not fine then fine then really not fine. I am talking full blown lying on the floor crying fits. But still I thought I could beat it, but that was before this week, now i believe I have finally hit my low point as I call it, the point were it gets scary and I cannot put off getting help, after being in tears nearly all day yesterday, hysterical tears, not eating much and wanting to sleep but being unable to, I called of work dragged my self out of bed and called my doctor, she saw me, and prescribed me Zoloft. I am currently waiting to pick it up.
I don't tell many people I work with about it, because for some reason i feel like I will be attacked for giving in to meds for depression, but honestly I have dealt with this long enough that i know if I DON'T do something, then it gets even worse than you can imagine, Hudson is extremely restless, he is kicking up a storm and I know this has to be effecting him. last night I cried so hard and so much I threw up, and that's just about all I could handle.
I hate feeling like this, having no motivation what so ever, not wanting to get dressed having waves of anxiousness, having to drag myself to do anything and everything. But i know I will get through it and in a few weeks I will be bright again. Well I'm off to go pick up stuff. later. Always loved Placebo.....
8 comments:
:( Oh Heather, I'm so sorry. Hang it there. I hope you are feeling better soon!
Sorry to hear that things are rough at the moment. Depression is such a nasty illness and I've been struggling with it for almost a decade. Midwife has already warned me that there is a high chance of meeting getting it during or post pregnancy. Hope you feel better soon and can continue enjoying the nicer sides of the hormones raging :)
I know exactly what you're talking about.
I've been there since I was 11 and been in therapy ever since (without any progress) but my life turned around when I met my man and moved to England.
I'm totally off meds and found a psychologist that have changed my life to the better and old ghosts are making less noise.
You will get there too, I know that, it's just not your "turn" yet. (Dong get me wrong, I'm just trying to be nice and tell you that there's a light somewhere in all the darkness, it just take time.)
I wouldn't tell anyone at work if I were you because people get scared for some darn reason if you mention depression or medication even if every other person goes to therapy themselves!
And people tent to look at you as a weak person or treat you differently because they don't want a nervous breakdown on their hands.
Gosh, sorry for this loooong comment.
I have now made your little bean a little something and I have hair flowers waiting for you.
I've been so busy so sorry for the delay.
Please send me your home address on my email, do you still have it?
*tons of hugs*
Rascal you are a super sweetie :) Thanks for the hugs :)
I left a comment on your blog about needing your email again.
Oh sweetheart. I am truly sorry. I really do understand. I am always here for you and you are always in my heart. =)I wish I could see you in person and give you a huge hug.
ME AND YOU ARE VERY MUCH ALIKE IN THIS DEPARTMENT. WE BOTH HAVE STRUGGLES WITH DEPRESSION, AND WHEN YOU GET US PREGNANT WITH ALL THOSE HORMONES WE TURN INTO HUMANS OF A DIFFERENT BREED.PLUS ALL THE WORRIES ABOUT BEING AN NEW MOM AND WONDERING AND HOPING THAT THE BIRTH AND EVERYTHING GOES GOOD. ITS A ROUGH CYCLE. BUT MY ASSURANCE IS NEAR AND ITS ONLY HUMAN TO FEAR THINGS OF THE UNKNOWN, BUT SOON YOU BEGIN TO KNOW THESE THINGS AND GET COMFORTABLE THEN THEY ARE NOT UNKNOWN ANYMORE AND BECOME MORE OF A PRACTICE.BELIEVE YOU ME I THOUGHT THE NURSE WAS KIDDING WHEN SHE SAID I COULD TAKE MY DAUGHTER HOME WITH ME, I WAS LIKE HUH ARE YOU SERIOUS, DOES SHE COME WITH AN INSTRUCTIONS MANUAL?? THE FIRST MONTH WAS A LEARNING PROCESS, THE FEEDING,CHANGING AND GETTING UP AT NIGHT WAS HARD TO GRASP, BUT ONLY AT FIRST,THE SECOND MONTH WAS SO EASY IT WAS LIKE I HAD A NAG FOR THIS MOTHER SHIT AND I FELL IN LOVE WITH IT.NOW I WANT ANOTHER BABY!! I KNOW YOU ARE PROBABLY THINKING ARE CRAZY! YOU WANT TO BE PREGNANT AGAIN!! BUT ONCE YOUR CHILD STARTS TO NOT NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE IN EVERYTHING YOU KINDA FEEL LOST AND WANT SOMETHING TO TAKE CARE OF, THEN YOU LOOK BACK ON TE WHOLE PREGNANCY THING AND THINK IT WASNT SO BAD.YOU WILL SEE, I KNOW YOU THINK IAM NUTS BUT WHEN HUDSON SAYS "I CAN DO IT MYSELF MOM" YOU ACTUALLY TRY TO CONVINCE THEM AT TIMES THAT THEY CANT JUST SO YOU CAN DO IT FOR THEM.LOL.AFTER A FEW TIMES THAT DOES NOT WORK ANYMORE LOL.AFTER THIS HAPPENS YOU WILL KNOW WHAT IAM TALKING ABOUT :) I HAD TO TAKE MEDICATION AS WELL WHEN I WAS PREGNANT, THESE PRESCRIPTIONA HAVE BEEN THROUGH A MILLON TRIALS IN PREGNANT WOMEN AND HAVE DIFFERENT CLASSES, AND ZOLOFT IS NOT KNOWN TO HURT OR HARM A FETUS.I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I STUDY THIS FOR A LIVING :) SO YOUR DOCTOR IS DOING THE RIGHT THING FOR YOU AND YOUR BABY.AND SO ARE YOU. HUDSON WANTS AND NEEDS HIS MOMMY TO BE HAPPY AND HEALTHY SO SHE CAN TAKE CARE OF HIM AND LOVE HIM.SO DONT FEEL A BIT BAD ABOUT THIS.THEY DID A CLINICAL STUDY AND OVER 60-70 PERCENT OF PREGNANT MOTHERS WERE ON SOME SORT OF ANTI DEPRESSANT FOR THE DEPRESSION THEY CURRENTLY HAVE, OR IF THEY ARE PRONE/MORE THAN LIKELY TO HAVE SYMPTOMS OF POST PARDOM DEPRESSION.SO GIRLFRIEND YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS BATTLE.IAM THERE TOO. ANYHOW IN A FEW WEEKS WHEN THE ZOLOFT TAKES FULL EFFECT YOU WILL FEEL MUCH BETTER I ASSURE YOU. KEEP YOUR CHIN UP. WHAT DOESNT KILL US WILL ONLY MAKE US STRONGER. I HEED THESE WORDS OFTEN.I LOVE YOU BUNCHES!! SORRY MY COMMENT TOOK FOREVER BUT YOU KNOW ME. OXOXOXOXO CHELE~
chele- as always I love ya, your an awesome core of support :)
chele- as always I love ya, your an awesome core of support :)
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