Down in it

It's been a stressful few weeks, the accumulation of everything that is going on, (moms health,phones have been ringing off the hook at work on a constant daily basis,trying to get my freelance business moving, staying up late on work nights just to get stuff done for clients, balancing work, life, marriage then more work AND things I want to do) have once again cast me into a dark hole. Most times I can't get my brain to shut down long enough to rest. Not to mention the on coming change in seasons have rendered me frustrated and depressed.
Last night after staying up way too late doing invoices and project descriptions, I found my self standing in front of my medicine cabinet,staring at the collection of pills I have. Like my mother I am a medical pack rat of sorts, I live with a "don't pitch that medication because you may need it someday" I had had anger in my bones all day, I was in a horrible mood, literally felt like raw anger and unsettled energy was pulsating in my body, it was uncomfortable and unnerving.I wanted it to go away, just something to take the edge off, I had my choice of percoset, clonopin, l-triptophan supplements, Valium ect. I relented closed the cabinet and decided on a hot shower, I though I would sit down and start crying,I WANTED to cry, but no tears came. The only thing that I can compare it to is a burp that you really need to get out, but wont come out,so the pressure builds and builds in your chest wall, until your pretty sure your having chest pains. Cept this pain was in my veins, and a feeling of extreme sorrow in my heart. I say in there for 30 minutes until the water ran cold and it was light years past my bed time. I returned to the cabinet and ended up settling on a benadryl, just because I knew it would relax me enough to shut my mind off and go to sleep. I got into bed, the husband rolled over, no snuggles no hugs nothing, i laid on my pillow and cried until the benadryl did it's thing and drifted me off to sleep.

I cant say I woke up feeling any better. The joy of my morning was watching Hudson eat breakfast,looking at those cute little chubby cheeks move back and forth as he stuff peaches and cereal bar in his funny little face. he is my daily hero.

Nothing worth working for was ever acquired easily, and I do feel like I am working for the betterment of me....someday.....it's just going to take time, a little patience and alot pain.

Moms surgery

A short and sweet update, my mother had her surgery yesterday, they removed a tumor about the size of a golf ball from her pancreas, and actually had to remove the whole upper half of her pancreas, they are certain that it was cancerous, but they feel they got it all, we will not know what stage it is in until the lab results come back. Once they do, they will determine if she will undergo Chemo, radiation, or both.
They are giving her three months to recover, then they will start the treatment.Last night she was in the ICU but this morning she borrowed a nurses cell phone and called my dad, letting him know that she is doing so well, they are moving her to a regular room later today.

She is still not out of the woods, we now have to watch for blood clots, infection and her sutures giving way, her tissues are very soft due to being on steroids for so long so the sutures holding is a small concern. Her lung function isn't super good, but ok, her heart liver and kidneys are running strong. And her vitals are excellent.
She also has a feeding tub that runs from inside of her nose through her stomach and into her lower bowel. Just until her stomach gets back to working order.

I go see her tomorrow after work.

The surgery was 6 hours long and we were at the hospital for over 10 hours, but my father and I got to talk and bond and walk around the hospital, it was nice to spend good time together. Afterwards, he took me out to dinner for Pulled pork sandwiches and beer. Then I came home and passed out! SO tired.

I will update you more as I know it.!

8 Things I love about fall!!!

I have never really been a fan of cooler weather, but I have learned to love the coziness that fall brings. Below are a few of my favorite things:

Argyle socks! I already own four pair, and the collection seems to be growing, these are from Sock Theory, I wear them with skirts under pants, or even just with my PJ shorts hanging around the house.

Making soups, squash and apple soup, chicken soup, Julias awesome French Onion soup, potato and ham soup! Make em up in large batches and freeze them in containers so I ALWAYS have something warm to eat. And OHOH! this weekend I am going to make a pumpkin coconut soup with ginger!! I cant WAIT!

Pumpkin spice lattes from Starbucks or pretty much anywhere that does them right. I also like to make my self what I call a "sleeper nightcap" in the cooler months, Soy or almond milk, a touch of honey, lots of cinnamon, ginger and nutmeg. Warmed up on the stove, sometimes I add a dollop of whipped cream or a shot of baileys if I am feeling REALLY naughty lol. I knock out like a dream.

Cake batter, rum spice, Pumpkin scented candles, allover the house!

Knitting, or in my case trying to at least knit two consistent rows!

Fall decorating, mm I love making the house look all cozy, with candles and decorations. I love the above garland idea on the mantel with candles, I don't have a mantle, but I do have an area near the stair case that I could decorate.

The smells of dead leaves and fresh apples growing.

Last but not least taking Hudson here, to go pick out pumpkins, go on a hay ride and see the horses!!

We are going to take him week after next! Picture time!

Fall this and that

I have got one hell of a week ahead of me, I am finishing up a design for a client (which they LOVE by the way). Mom is going in for her big surgery on Wed. ( yes I am freaking out....like bad) But on a lighter note, Fall is here so THAT means new shoes! And tights and sweater dresses woohoo!! Below are a few pairs of shoes I wouldn't mind coveting,

Oh yes yes yes!!





I just think these are so super kewl,

I almost bought these, but it was between diapers for the kid and these shoes, hmmm, kid wins......I guess Not only do I want sweater dresses this season but I am really feeling the whole, skirt and knee hi thing

Isn't Elsi from A Beautiful Mess so cute in this outfit! I love the brown boots with over the knee socks!

And of course Gala of Gala Darling, UGH takes the frickin cake in this black and cobalt number (personal fave)

I NEED a pleated black skirt, I need a few skirts! Hell I need to go shopping!!!!!

Mom and Hudson

mom goes in for her big pancreatic sugery on wed, aside from being petrified, I am also really hopeful, that everything will be ok.

Here are photos of her and Hudson snuggling at the nursing home last weekend, I hope for so may more moments like this.

M

What I wore

Dress:Old Navy,Belt: my own vintage,Shoes: Mossimo for Target

Baby:I made that,you just can't BUY that kind of cute!

Busy bee

Hi Kids! Just a brief update, things have been getting better in my life recently and I have been so flipping busy!

MOM My mother has been in a nursing home for about a week now, getting her strength up for surgery, she seems to do better and better each day, and I only pray that it stays that way. Sunday, Hudson and I went to visit her, she had a ball playing with him, and he had a GREAT time, running around the halls and walking into people’s rooms’ lol. Luckily the residents didn’t mind at all, and were glad to see a happy little face. We brought her homemade chicken soup and blueberry muffins. It really seemed to get her spirits up. We plan on going back again this Sunday, and let’s just say I will need to make sure I have my running shoes on lol!


Hudson tearing up the Nursing home, with his great grandmother. Sorry if its side ways I cant figure out how to fix it!


JEWELRY I have accomplished SO much with my jewelry making, I got 2 a pairs of rose earrings made, one is a gift the other ones are for me ,A silver necklace with cobalt blue pearls, a necklace special order for a friend. AND started on a necklace for myself. Yes I will post photos soon.

DESIGN
GOODY GOODY GOODY! My Brand new MAC PRO is on its way! I cannot wait, and will be tracking that sucker every second until it lands on my doorstep! It has a dual processor, tons of memory AND I got Adobe InDesign to go with it, SWOON!!!! I know I know I’m such a freaking nerd :P On another note, I got a freelance client the other day, (thank you Lisa!) who wants me to develop a brand identity for her husbands’ new security company. I am REALLY excited for this opportunity, because it will allow me to develop some nice portfolio pieces and get my feet wet again. I’m nervous, but I have a new found confidence that has come from somewhere, I don’t know, maybe it’s just age!

STINKY LIL MAN Hudson has been great; however he recently started regressing in his sleep habits. For four months he did SO well, I could put him down in his crib awake but drowsy and he would just play with no problem or babble to his stuffies until he fell asleep. Now it’s like suddenly there is some strange force field over the crib that makes him scream like killer clowns are in his room, when I so much as put him OVER the crib. So much so in fact, that I have resorted to rocking him to sleep, and then slipping him in his crib, which I really would have NO issue with, if he didn’t wake up at 12:30 am and start screaming again, then I rock him back to sleep again, try to slip him back into his crib, tip toe out of the room and just as soon as I think I am successful, WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHAHHAAHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! In a tone that China could hear during a snowstorm.UGH. So Hello sleepless nights, I hoped we wouldn’t meet again, but since we are both here….. He also has become accustomed to throwing his food off of his tray, and when I say throw I mean
OVERHANDED BASEBALL PITCHING THROW. Then looks at me matter of factly like “oh yes woman, I just threw my food, what are you going to do about it?” But on a good non complaining note, he is running around, picking things up for me, doing cute stuff like bringing books to me to read to him, getting along with the puppy (or should I say the puppy is getting along with HIM, an din return Hudson is not pulling his tail, poking him in the eye or any other undesirable orifice for that matter), and giving kisses, every so often. He is my little love butt for sure. So that’s all for now! I have a post I am working on for posting hopefully tomorrow. See you then! XOXOXOO