DO you KNOW what your eating?

DO you REALLY know? Lord knows I thought I did! That was until a friend of mine on facebook posted this link
http://www.naturalnews.com/022288_sodium_nitrite_processed_meat.html

And holy crap did it open my eyes!! Then I started thinking about my mom and her pancreatic cancer, and how she was diabetic ( wich greatly raised her risk of cancer anyways) but she also ingested ALOT of fake sugar, margarine ect, because well, she felt she HAD to! So I  showed my husband the article and he was as astonished as I was, we ate alot of stuff with Sodium Nitrate in it! Bacon, ham, lunch meat. I also used fake sugar in my coffee , chewed gum with saccharin in it, drank diet soda, used margarine and all that junk, I could probably say that about 40 percent of what I ate had some sort of chemical in it.......ewwww!!!!
We decided we were done with this, and we didn't want Hudson eating this crap either, so we did a little research and foudn out about foods that you should buy organic or peel, like pear, peaches, apple and carrots, and foods grown with tons of pesticides (like strawberries). I went to the market and bought mostly organic stuff, read labels like a hawk, and seeked out alternative nitrate free meats, And What I found was, I actually spent LESS ( a little) that what I did when I just buy all regular stuff! And if you live here in Ohio I found out that Heinens own brand name products, are ALL certified organic!!!

I even chucked my microwave popcorn! And made it from scratch, like in a pan with oil! And I gotta admit it tasted better and was really fun to make!

Listen, I am not one of those people who freak out about every little thing reported on health, however, with my moms death and the odd spread of cancer in recent years, I just really think that something is behind this. And My husband I just feel better knowing we are putting natural foods in our body not chemicals.....now if I could just kick my sugar habit :)

A visit with solace and sadness

On mothers day, after I picked up grandma and took her lunch, i dropped her off at home and decided to make the journey to my mothers grave site, my first since her burial in December, I knew it wouldn't be easy, I brought a pretty bouquet of flowers that reminded me of her, I pulled into the parking lot, and didn't see anyone for miles, "perfect" I thought, i wanted to be alone, for the first time I HAD to be alone, I had so much I needed to still process.

The sun was shining and lit up the entire grave yard as though it was lit from the ground up, the quiet was defining, except for the occasional sound of the warm wind that blew through the massive tree, and the birds that chirped and fluttered about.

There, third row from the front, third marker from the fence, was moms freshly grassed grave,the stone hadn't even been fully set in the ground yet, the weather around here has been too soggy.

Upon looking at the stone my eyes quickly welled up with tears, and i was caught slightly off guard by my sudden harsh sadness.

The sun warmed my back as I crouched down and talked to her, tracing her stone with my fingers,

 I noticed that a bird has pooped on the angel wing on my moms side of the stone (it's a double marker for mom and dad) I jokingly said " jeese mom, even in death you get shit on !" it was a joke and she would have laughed at it, I took out a wet wipe and wiped it away.

 What made me feel better, was the fact that the grounds were so perfectly take care of, people had left nick knacks and statues on the other graves, and they all remained in place, as when they were first put there by the family member. I told mom as soon as I could I would get a vase to stick in the ground, so that the flowers that i brought her, would stay fresher longer. I stayed and meditated for about half an hour, parking myself on the grass in front of her grave. The I got up and took a walk around the grounds to check out the other graves, " well mom" i said "I'm going to go walk around for a bit, you know me and grave yards! "( I have been fascinated with graveyards and death from an early age)

With that, I said my goodbyes and off I went. Once I got back to my car I sat and basked in the silence and warm glow of the sun. Then with a deep breath, I turned on the ignition, and made my way back home, no sooner did I leave the grave yard, and it began to pour. I miss you too mom.

10 Questions with my grandmother

On Mothers Day last weekend, I took my grandmother out to the tea house from brunch, it had been along time since it was just her and I. When my mother passed, I started coming up with all the questions that I wish I would have asked her, I decided since we were still blessed having my grandmother with us, that I would ask a few questions and perhaps gain some useful wise knowledge.

10 Questions with my grandmother

(well 9 if you don't include the one she couldn't remember)

ME: ok grandma, I am going to ask you some questions, a little interview of sorts ok?

Grandma: oh! Ok!...well......I'm ready for my close up! Where is my hairdresser?

ME:What is your advice for a long life?

Grandma: No Smoking, no drinking in excess a good attitude  and a great sense of humor.

ME:What is your advice for all mothers?

Grandma: Well did you see Dr. Phil on Friday???

ME: no I don't believe that I did lol

Grandma: Yikes! I don't want to be THAT kind of mother!

Hmmmm.....I would say, accept children as a gift from God and treat them as so.

ME: what is your advice for a good marriage?

Grandma: Honesty, communication and respect your vows.

ME: What was the happiest day of your life?

Grandma: probably the day your mother was born, she was our first and we were just so excited!

ME: What food have you never liked?

Grandma: LIMA BEANS!!!!!!!!

ME:Is there anywhere that you wish you would have traveled?

Grandma: Probably the Orient, you know China and Japan

ME: What is your favorite color?

Grandma: Red

ME: What do you think is your best feature?

Grandma: Now?? oh well......psssh.......hmmm. My legs USED to be, I always got alot of compliments on my legs. (for the record her legs are STILL awesome and she is well over 80!!!)

ME: Well thanks for answering grandma! i just have one more question

Grandma: Ok

ME: Why do your kolatchy always taste better than mine!!???

Grandma: I have no idea! The tough is very tough to mix, so maybe you just don't mix it enough.

Thanks so much grandma, for letting me pick your brain, Love you!

My recent project!

So I'm sure you have noticed that I have been patchy with my blog post, I have been working on my freelance business and also playing mommy and wife and working girl! PHEW!
But one of my most proud projects as of recent, is the Making Strides For Breast Cancer Walk on May 21st. In Honor of my mother i decided to lead a team of ladies to walk for the cause! I am really proud of my team thus far, we have raised 535 dollars! If you are interested in joining, please either click the link below or the badge to the right of the page, I would be most grateful!
Here is to kicking cancers ass!!!!

Donate here!
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/MakingStridesAgainstBreastCancer/MSABCFY11Ohio?px=18904470&pg=personal&fr_id=28159

Things I'm loving right now....

1. The Royal Wedding
Much to my Husbands chagrin, i really enjoyed watching the Royal Wedding, and I personally love Kates Style to begin with , she always looks so pulled together! And that DRESS, well it was just a classic, understated yet elegant. I also think it looked VERY similar to Grace Kellys dress.

I also love that deisgner Allen B Schwarz is making a cheaper knock off of it for around 400-800 dollars!

And the fact that is was designed out of the house of Alexander MCQueen by Sarah Burton.

McQueen was a favorite designer of mine.

2.Issey Miyake L'Eau d 'issey Florale Purfume

I love love love this perfume, so romantic and feminine and summery,it has notes of WhiteWood, Rose and citrus in it. it is definitely

on my list of mothers days gifts :)

3. Speaking of mothers day.........

This little guy has been tugging on my heart strings constantly the past few weeks, the things this kid does, I'm telling you lol

He is is own brand of entertainment lol. I took this picture this weekend, he loves his ball, or "BAWL" as he calls it.He fell earlier that morning and bruised his head and scraped his little nose, but he is a lil tough guy and took it like a champ, nothing that kisses from mommy and daddy and some sponge bob cartoons couldn't fix!

3. Working out

I am doing a 5k walk for breast cancer on May 21st. And I have been doing what I can to physically amp up for it. My new addiction is Oxygen magazine and one of it's contributors, fitness champ and breast cancer survivor! Jamie Eason!

THAT'S what I strive for! HOT!!

And she is also so inspiring, she makes me feel like I can do anything! She is right up there with Tony Horton in my book!

4. Sex and the City

They have been replaying the series On "E!" and since I didn't have HBO when the series originally premiered, I get to watch it now when I can, ugh I just love it. I used to think I identified with Samantha, but after watching it, I know know I am a Carrie Bradshaw, I swear, when I was single I had the same thought processes as her. It's just unreal, she is me if I lived in New York, worked for myself and was single.Married, I am more like a mix of Charlotte and Miranda. Stubborn and neurotic lol. ( not that that's a bad thing!)



5. Gardening and getting my yard up to gorgeous again.

This weekend the hubby and I re-arranged practically everything in our yard this weekend, I bought a forever after Hydrangea bush and an Azaelea Bush for the front,transplanted the hostas,and the burning bush.

Hubby re-landscaped the fromt yard and now it looks super clean and gorgeous. The only thing I have left to do is plant wildflowers on the side of the house, and start my veggie plants and Mint plant. Now if it would only stop RAINING!! I could do that! I swear I feel like I live in Seattle!

6.  Messy Buns! Since my hair is starting to get real long, I am able to do all sorts of new stuff with it, i know I am going to have a hard time dealing with it when the humid weather does eventually get here. So I am searching for new pretty ways to get it off my neck.

Iammommahearmeroar posted this pretty three piece bun she made recently with Goody Spin Pins. I just love it!

Well that's about all of my obsessions for now! Off to slog around in my wellies and go to the gym, I figure I will see sunshine and dry weather soon...........I hope!

Someone to watch over me

What I am about to say may make some of you skeptical and thats fine, I know what I know and i am perfectly fine with it ( of course I do seem to be justifying myself here but...I digress)

I have been making a little bit of progress on dealing with my mothers death, i got through Easter without alot of tears and I have for the most part been coping.

Last night something strange happened, I went to bed before my husband,I turned down the sheets and nestled under the covers, turning my back to the nightstand and curling into a ball like I do every night. I close my eyes, and I get this crazy feeling of someone standing next to my bed, I turned around a looked and saw nothing, but the feeling didn't go away, I turned back around, and i could feel the hair on my neck stand up,then the top part of my back started to feel warm,I closed my eyes again, smiled, and said "hi mom, and thanks".

It's strange occurences like these that keep me going.

I cant wait!

Oh it feels like spring around here lately! 60 degrees today, that's nearly shorts weather people!!! I am in such a ridiculously bubbly mood lol.Got me thinking of all the things I cannot wait to do! Things like:



1.Go home and play with my little man, he is just SO full of energy and kisses!

2. Make pancakes and spend a lazy Sunday morning with my two favorite guys

3. Go for a fun outing to the mall on Sunday with my two favorite guys, then to Target to buy Hudson......

4. A sit and spin!
Do you remember these? I had one and was crazy about it!
We HAVE to get one,due to reasons you see below: yes he is missing a sock, a sock HE took off, yes he has no pants on,( sorry it's sideways I don't know how to fix that!)

5. Also thinking about redoing my stairway wall, like THIS courtesy of (I am momma hear me roar)

My stairway wall looks similar to the way this one is set up,so it should be fun to take down the wedding photos and put up pics of my beautiful family

6. And thinking about making these

Wich you can find the tutorial for here.

Sigh SO much to enjoy, so little time!

Let it be......

My mother used to have this necklace that as far back as I can remember, she used to wear, it’s a small gold cross, my grandfather gave her on her first communion, along side a small emerald and diamond pendant, hanging from a very delicate gold chain. She was wearing the cross in her engagement picture and many other pictures until her passing. She always had it on, she showered with it on , slept with it on, it was a part of her. Even if she was wearing other jewelry she usually had this necklace on underneath, hanging right above her heart.
When she passed and I was cleaning out her stuff, I packed up the delicate necklace because I couldn’t bear to even see it. I do wear one of her rings, it only fits on my pinky lol, and I occasionally look into her jewelry box that sits atop my dresser, and handle her rings and earrings, in an effort to feel close to her. But never bothered putting on the necklace.
Recently, my life has been in a bit of turmoil, I have done something’s that I was not proud of, and hurt people I never really wanted to. I let some people down, I miss my mom, I am frustrated with my career, a whole slew of things. As this has been going on, I keep feeling her necklace “call to me” a feeling and pull to put it on, the more I ignored it, the louder the call got.
My faith used to be and still is a big part of me, just a bit more subdued now that it used to be,I talk to God and Mom all the time, and based on the angel we saw the night mom died, I KNOW there is a higher power and seeing that angel just re-enforced it for me. I don’t want to say I have been “finding my way to god” but rather finding my way back in general to the faith that used to bring me peace. I do not go to church or participate in the sacrament, I believe in just “open faith”. In the point that I do not have to belong to a religion or church to have a relationship with God,he is all around and I can talk to him any time that I please.
Last night on the way home from work I was asking him to help me fully realize my blessings and help get me on the right path. I felt a sense of calm wash over me, and the call once again from that necklace tucked inside a satin bag in my linen closet.
I love my family, I love most of what my life has afforded me, and going through all of this has brought me closer to my faith,I know with that and help of my loved ones, I can move past this rough patch in my life.
Last night while Hudson was in the tub, I pulled out the necklace, cleaned it off, polished it up, and put it on……




It’s going to be a good year from now on……

When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be

And when the brokenhearted people
Living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be

For though they may be parted
There is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Yeah, there will be an answer let it be
( From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/b/beatles-lyrics/let-it-be-lyrics.html )

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, yeah, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be

And when the night is cloudy
There is still a light that shines on me
Shine on until tomorrow, let it be

I wake up to the sound of music
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

Yeah, let it be, let it be
Let it be, yeah, let it be
There will be an answer, let it be

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, yeah, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be

Lovely Friday

Good morning! It's Friday ( in case you didnt know) Here are some things that I am loving this week!

This Photo makes me so happy, I mean HELLO Purple and Leopard? Love it!

This Idea of turning a changing table into extra shelf space is right on!

And I just HAPPEN to have that same table! Already painted white!

Are these not the custest wedding invites ever? They are even in my wedding colors pink and green!

This is just an ad I saw on a website but OMG I WANT that dress!

See anything? Look again, there is a man who has painted himself into shelf!

An uphill battle for a great cause.

So my big thing lately has been getting back in shape.After several false starts, I really think I am in a place where I can actually DO this. Besides I got a good reason to get in shape this time (ok there is always like half a million GOOD reasons) but the main one is that I will be walking in the Making Strides for Breast Cancer walk on May 21st. I honor of my mother who had survived breast cancer. It was a promise that I made my mother long ago, and what a perfect time to do it! Have a look at my team page here! It’s a really great cause, so if your available ( and obviously live here in Cleveland) please join my team Think Pink! Ineed people to walk with me, or if you want to donate you can also do it there! "My Team Page"

To get back in fighting form I have once again begun my Tony Horton Ten Minute Trainer, I LOVE Tony Horton, I don’t know, you ever just have a trainer you can CONNECT with? I think that is the reason most exercise programs fail, you have to connect with the trainer and the program, I gotta give credit to my friend Kristal for getting me hooked on Tony!

Tony Horton

Man, Machine, Inspiration!


I have also stopped mindless eating (that is really hard btw) and I try to keep healthy snacks around, drink water, all that jazz. In the end I know that it will pay off, I just have to know when to push myself and when not to, with my fibromayalgia, my body is only capable at so much at one time. But my goal is to get to a place where I can play baseball with Hudson when he is older and impress my husband with some athletic adventures 

Hope you have a safe and healthy day!

Up and Down Round and Round

Life has been a whirlwind of crazy at best, Life without my mother is still hard, the pain still burns me, It might take something small to send me into a fit of tears, a smell of her perfume, a tv show she used to like, it as in the case of last night, the last picture of her and I together. It sucks breaking down without warning, but it’s essential and necessary.
I often ask myself questions about her death.

Did she give up and purposely contract pneumonia because she just wanted it to all be over?
When she died and she went to heaven, did she look down and go
“well shit that sucks, didn’t really want THAT to happen”

Does she wish I really would have just come to see her the day she died and she told me that she was fine and not to bother seeing her?

These are questions as wacky as they may be play on my mind in endless patterns..

I know I will never get those answers from her, and I am surrounded by her beloved things and of course the note that she left me.

But sometimes in the quietest times, when I am all alone, it’s hard believe that she is gone.That I can’t just pick up the phone at 10 am and call her like I have every single day for years, and hear her voice on the other end going “hi punky!” or her asking “hows my sweetie pie?” (Hudson)

On the up side, my Logo design business seems to be gaining momentum, I have got requests coming in steady , so much so that I need to get my butt going on biz cards, I already have my logo sketches done and am working on getting those printed. Then I will probably open up a small shop on esty. Doing these things brings me great joy,and keeps me sane at my day job. It gives me hope that one day I will do what I love and never really WORK again.
Isn't that the dream of everyone?

Fashion Photography: A longtime love

I have been in love with Fashion Photography since I was a teenager and got my first Marie Claire Magazine, in college I wanted to be a fashion photographer at one point

The fluidity and movement of the pictures have always stunned me, to make a picture "appear" to be alive, even though it is in still form, is something quite powerful.

These pictures from the recent issue of Marie Claire recently struck me , ( I also happen to like the outfits)

Beautiful feminine and perfect in simplicity, the black and white makes it classic

I LOVE this outfit and the one below.

Reasons why my husband rocks

I think that sometimes my man feels taken for granted, so below i want to profess to the world Why My Husband Is So Awesome (previously titled "why my husband is better than yours")

1.He gets up early in the freezing winter to clear snow off my car.

2. He changes diapers AND does dishes, and if I don't feel good, he takes complete care of me

3. He fills up my gas tank if I'm empty AND even if I'm in the car, pumps it for me :)

4. He gets me flowers and plans surprises just "because".

5. He looks for art festivals to take me to even though i know it bores him silly and "is around all those damn liberals"

6.He accepts me for me, (farting, burping in public,not knowing that pearl harbor was fought in Hawaii not japan......)

7. He tells me I am beautiful at least two hundred times a day.

8. Goes grocery shopping for me when I can't, and actually get some obscure stuff that I want.

9. He knows how to make me crack up.

10. He is an awesome father to Hudson

11. He sat with me in the hospital with me and my dad all night until my mom passed away.

12. He is passionate about issues that matter to him and wants to do something about it, which is more than I can say for some people who complain, then never DO anything about it.

13. When I'm sick he brings me Chinese (won ton soup)

14. He loves to spend time with me and Hudson, and has recently become better at family time.

15. He LIKES to go to the mall and shop and walk around

16. He's got a hot car and wants me to get one someday too,

17. He rides a Harley!!! RRRROWRR and looks divine doing it!

18. He makes real good Mac and Cheese

19. He is the Macgyver of fixing things, got some tooth floss and a nail file? he can probably make you a temporary muffler, converter or other random things.

annnd 20.

He puts up with me, and trust me I am by NO means easy to deal with sometimes. I love him so much and am so honored to be his wife. :)

oh and one more thing........well.....hee hee I cant tell YOU EVERYTHING can I?

Were goin Bowlin!

Well it has finaly happened, my child is interested in bowling, my husband has been bowling since he was little and is quite good at it,a few weeks ago he asked me to bring Hudson down to the bowling alley to see if he had and interest, and he does, BOY does he! he loves to roll the ball down the lane, then gets all upset that he can't run after it and go get it (Or lift it for that matter)

We bought him a bowling machine for christmas and he loves to play with it, just sits his cute little but down on the lane, with ball in hand, rocks back and forth three times, then throws the ball :) And the best part is, if he misses the pins on the bowling machine, he just goes right up to them and knocks them down lol.

Below are two pictures i took last weekend at the lanes. Pardon the black smudge, my camera took a crap that weekend.

heading down the lane with daddy

Learning the art of waiting for the ball.

New Year New Start

Hello all, New years eve was well welcomed, the hubby and I spent it at Julia and Randys house, playing air hockey, eating good food and watching Hudson run around flirting with all the ladies :)

I was definitely ready to let the old year go,More than one bad thing had happened this past year and I wasn't sure I could handle anything else, although you do find how strong you actually are, when you have no choice BUT to be strong. I think I have certainly amazed myself.

I don' t do resolutions, but a few plans for this new year may be.

Take overall better care of myself:

No not the whole "Im going to lose ten pounds," promise, no I mean actually working on my fitness level, building muscle and taking my vitamin d and fish oil everyday. Trying to reduce my sodium and sugar levels to take better care of my heart, stuff like that. I am obviously not getting any younger, and my mother illness and death, really opened my eyes, and scared me. SO I have to get healthier, even if only so I'm around as long as possible. :)

Either Put up or shut up in regards with my job:

Either I find another job I really like, or i stay where I am at, and work on what makes me happy on the side,the economy is improving,and there isn't any real harm in checking out the want ads, but i have no real expectations, because what I really want to do, I couldn't make a living on right away, so it makes me wonder if I would even be SATISFIED with a new job.

Have more fun with the hubby and baby:

Just take life as it comes and try to enjoy more, enjoy everything. And relish the time with my little family.

Hope you had a great start to the new year!

Me and my 90 year old grandmother on New Years Day!

The Hubby and I

The Girls- Me, Julia,Sarah, Ingrid